Thursday, October 27, 2005
I miss my mom so much, it hurts.
While most people are freaked out by hospitals, I'm the complete opposite. Hospitals feel like home to me. Watching nurses come in and out of rooms, doctors checking in on their patients, IV's dripping into a patient's arm -- these all feel so familiar, so comforting.
This must probably be the reason why visiting Nikki in the hospital was such a familiar experience. To tell you the truth, I missed it. I missed having to go to the hospital immediately after class, spending my whole weekend in the hospital room, playing with the wheelchair and even watch the nurses give medication. I miss having to hold mama's hand whenever someone would come in to extract whatever it was they needed.
Even before all these happened, I already used to spend so much time in the hospital. Visiting mama in the ward and watching her do her job was what I used to do every afternoon as a kid. The other nurses and doctors would become my playmates, and they'd show me how to do their stuff.
It has been more than three months, yet these memories are still fresh in my mind. It's weird to say that I'm looking forward to having to do these things again, because that would mean someone very dear to me would have to be hospitalized. Who would want that, right? I guess the bottom line is, I just miss my mom and the things I used to do for her and the things we used to do together. It's just normal, I know. But easy as it may be to say, it's not easy to accept.
let it go
27.10.05
