Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Things will never be the same. Period.Ugh. Can you think of anything more cliche than that? If there's one thing this experience has taught me (aside from the fact that we can only lift things up to the Lord), it's this. Yes, it did take a few bonks on the head to make me understand this very simple sentence, but I think I do get the idea now.
This kinda seems timely, since I've been reading stuff about change on some of my friends'
livejournal entries. I myself hate things changing drastically. I hate it when at the last minute, my plans have to change for some reason. I hate it when people I've grown fond of suddenly leave. I hate it when people leave without warning. Believe me, I could go on and on with this, just to show how much I despise too much change in my life, but what's the point? It's not as if I can stop change from happening. What will happen to my life then?
Okay, I'll just cut to the chase. I'm writing this to relieve my stress, tension, or whatever you may call it. I'm just so overwhelmed by what's happening right now! Of course, it has everything to do with my mom's situation, and our family's too. Okay, here it is.
I can't take the responsibility.
Oooh.. that's a first. Me, Leigh, the person you run to for help, running away from responsibility. Suddenly I'm in charge of the whole household. I check the bills, call companies who fail to send in their bills, check the groceries, deposit/withraw money, write checks, handle the stuff concerning the house being rented out, make sure all the cars have enough gas, even make sure that my dad's shirt and tie for the next day match! And also make sure that his towels have been replaced and all that. Argh. Instead of feeling 18, I feel 40.
I know I shouldn't be complaining, in fact I should be happy for the extra year/s of practice doing all these things, but it just feels scary, you know? Handling so much, with my parents constantly looking over my shoulder, making sure things are going their way. Bottom line is, my idea of the 18th summer of my life is spending it with friends, going to bars, malls, or beaches. Not doing things adults with families do.
Okay, I bet I sound really selfish and everything, and trust me, I'm not normally like this. This is just a spur of the moment thing, and if you ask me again about this some other time, preferably when I've thought more about our situation, I'm sure this isn't going to be my reaction to what's happening.
let it go
24.5.05
