Thursday, April 28, 2005
I just read the last paper I wrote for English 12, and to tell you the truth, I don't know how I feel right now. It's a reflection paper, for those who don't know.. and it's supposed to contain how a certain event in your life affected your whole being. I don't know what drove me to write all those nasty things about myself. I think I projected myself as a spineless brat, who didn't have her own opinion. Argh.
What made it even worse was the fact that I think I kinda made it seem like I'm just going to church and "looking" for Jesus just to make my friends think that I'm one of them. You know, it kinda made me think too. A few months back, I was so into the thought of Jesus being the center of my life. He still is, don't get me wrong, but lately, my priorities seem to be a bit twisted, and I hate it. I think I just need revival.
Okay, I'm going to make a confession here. While I was in Boracay, I smoked again. Not just one, but A LOT. Argh. Shoot me. I guess this gives you an idea how weak my determination is to stay on that straight path to godliness. I don't want to be like this. I really don't. There's probably something wrong with me, because I keep looking for revival, when I should be well aware of God's presence everywhere. I wish I could be one of those people who have really strong faith.. then I wouldn't be so easily tempted by worldliness (is there even such a word??) and material things. In other words, I need Jesus back into my life.. badly.
Lord I've come to know
the weaknesses I see in me
will be swept away
by the power of your love..
let it go
28.4.05
Sunday, April 24, 2005
It took me around 5 months to realize this.
I make my own problems. I think too much. I stress over things I shouldn't stress about. In short, it's my own fault why I look older for my age.
Why does everything in my life revolve around a 10 letter word that should not have any meaning anymore? Why is it that after 5 months, I'm still not over it? Shit. You know why? Because I think about it too much, making me remember more things about the way things were before, making it harder for me to get over it.
Okay, now I need something to make me stop thinking about it.
let it go
24.4.05
