Thursday, February 24, 2005
Okay, I'm way over the drama of the past week, and now I just realized that my lay-out is soooo not me. Gawd, I need to change it. Soon. This girly-girly thing is bothering me.
It's now 10:45 pm and I've been sitting in front of the computer since around 7:30. So far, I've only done the requirements for NSTP.. the reflection paper and the conversation papers (okay, not REAL conversation papers.. I kinda made up some of them.. haha..).. I've got a million more things to do. I'm not going to enumerate all of them here, this is not my lj and I vowed to only write serious stuff in here.
Okay, so what serious subject to talk about? Hmm.. Nothing, actually. My brain is now mush. I think I should stop writing now.
By the way.. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we won't be asked to run around in circles tomorrow for taekwondo. Damn, it's hard to run without shoes on!!
let it go
24.2.05
Monday, February 21, 2005
I'm going to be brutally honest here. Last week wasn't the first time I thought about committing suicide, but it was the first time I really thought about it seriously. It was the closest time I came to actually doing it. God, I don't even know what I'm doing writing about this. I guess last week was just utter hell, in all the aspects of my life.
You know what always stops me? The thought of "Ano kayang iisipin ko kung kakilala ko yung gumawa nun?" Well, duh. Knowing me, I'd brush it off as a sign of weakness. I'd think that that person was weak, and that he/she wasn't thinking clearly.
I was on the verge of committing it friday night. Literally. Though I don't know if overdosing on sleeping pills really will kill me, I was ready to drink the whole pack, if I found some. Fortunately, I only found around two.. and that's all I drank. All it gave me was a good night's sleep. I woke up feeling rejuvenated (slightly), and feeling stupid for the things I thought about the night before. And I guess that wasn't enough. I went to chuch today feeling a lot better, only to find out that the preaching was about that. I shouldn't complain why God always gives me troubles and problems, in fact I should be thankful. And why do I have to really cry and cry about my problems? I can't just seem to remember that IT WILL ALL PASS. It always does. I just had to get caught up in all the drama.
Looking back, I feel so stupid. I mean, why would I even think of doing that?! Never again.
let it go
21.2.05
